Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
