No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
