he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
