I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This girl is more easily done than said...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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