My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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