Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
