So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
