You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
