you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
