So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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