Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
