I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize