I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
