Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
