Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
