Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
