I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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