oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she pinky promised me she was 18
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
