You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
