My room smells like vodka and shame
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize