i just had sex bonerless
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
