He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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