Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
