I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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