when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
