hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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