Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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