Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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