you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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