Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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