Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize