Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize