so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
