I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
