it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
