At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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