I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
