the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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