Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
