You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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