I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Welp...herpes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
