I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
