And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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