I want to make a zoo with you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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