man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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