He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
