I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
