remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
