apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
