There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Cover your peen. We're going out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
