That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
