I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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