Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
