Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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