Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
