I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
