will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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