she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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