I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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