omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
