is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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