U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
