i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize