i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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