I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
