No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
