It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We just shotgunned beers for America
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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