I hate all girls vehemently.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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