I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
