im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
