I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
